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[09 Nov 2009|02:48am] |
today i spoke to
angela about sundays
sean about sugar
emily about adobe illustrator
casey about seeing each other tomorrow
caroline about marriage
alan about dave chappelle
suman about lavender yael about cats
ryan and jack about the naked guy
laura about the effect of video games on the youth
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[26 Oct 2009|01:29am] |
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music |
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working on it, new year's resolution |
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i have been somewhat down on my situation recently, as some of you might know, but i can find my way really easily sometimes, like with piano, incense, looking, and noticing things which are yours and therefore mine. i do think 90% of my general discomfort with the world has to do with the pillow i sleep on, which i mean literally. my constant intrapersonal insistence on subjectivity and the only objective truth being that everything else is subjective, is probably not causing me any problems, but what about attempting to make logic my own and proclaiming the beauty of the world to be objective? wouldn't that be useful for me and everyone? moreover, it can't be disproven so (?) at worst it is vacuously true, and i am okay with living according to vacuous and maybe really faulty logic, if it leads me to beauty. this is why i need to leave berkeley.
not because everyone is driven by logic, or even by a personal logic (in fact i think that most people here are not), but because i wouldn't be able to live this out without being implicitly questioned by everyone, even the stoners in the courtyard. i sometimes think that it is myself i want to leave, and that berkeley is an extension of myself, and then i leave, and everything becomes different and sometimes amazing, and i am wrong and relieved. this weekend i will play two shows with my friends in berkeley and dress as a moss creature on saturday, then become hopelessly lost on my bicycle in san francisco on sunday and bring color to the void with the money i've been sitting on. please tell me about your lives!! tell me about your worlds!! i swear i will be overjoyed to know!!!
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[12 Oct 2009|12:38am] |
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OH my FRIENDS i mISS YOU!!!!! i still feel uncomfortable in berkeley and my pillow makes my neck hurt and i want to leave and remember what it is like to be really excited about stuff, and i took the math GRE, and it was super hard, and after that i turned my weekend into new free time. yesterday i fixed my bike, then went and droned, then went into san francisco and paid too much money to go to a show, then today me and all one thousand of my housemates dressed in medieval costume and got drunk and yelled and jousted on bikes and threw food and injured themselves racing each other naked down the hallway, then campfire left for drone city, then sebastian and i went on an adventure to the cemetery, then i continued to chop the one thousand minutes of recordings i made in the midwest. i still have fifty tracks and two and a half hours of recordings to make into at most two hours so i can fit it on a tape. also if you know how to do it please give everybody huge squeezing hugs and back massages all the time, everywhere that you are.
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[25 Sep 2009|10:31pm] |
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go on google maps and look at a map of finland. the WHOLE THING IS FOREST. i really wish google had street view there. i can't imagine growing up in finland. where the forest is as infinite there as the ocean or the midwest is to us, or is there even a way to compare it at all? the forest is the backdrop for their minds there. that's so fuckin sick. i want to see what it's like to grow up in finland. shit. i want to fuckin go there so hard. and norway too. this bike trip is hella happening.
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[18 Sep 2009|01:59am] |
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So this is my hardest semester of school ever, but for other reasons I have recently become somewhat angry at the institution of school. I have been so down with being in school until very recently because I FEEL THAT SCHOOL IS DRAINING THE MAGIC FROM THE WORLD. Perhaps it is "useful," but I prefer the magic. I have "senioritis". I want to leave all my work at 5pm and have time to meditate and play music and be on the edge of myself and be CONSTANTLY DISCOVERING INFINITY, all the time. Traditional school and its supposed power is so, so finite. I don't resent having been brought up in school, but I resent being in it right now. I think I have enough endurance to finish the school year. Next semester will be so easy compared to this one...is it a question of just making it there?
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[29 Jun 2009|01:03am] |
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I must admit, I do not find Iowa's landscape to be beautiful. I find the dark forest to be my brightest place and the inescapable sun of iowa brings more darkness. i am not miserable here. my friend lent me his bike and riding it is super sick. also i have friends and they are super sick. also i am now one of the 100 highest rated magic the gathering players in los angeles county. i am shipping my computer home as soon as my new cell phone arrives so i can start living in iowa. leave me your phone numbers! mine will stay the same.
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[27 Jun 2009|10:08pm] |
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i am a people person, i am a people person! i love you so much more than i can love you year-round. love of myself and love of everyone else are separated in this terrible life. i can love myself more easily when i can love other people with my real hands, in the world; what good is a hug lover in ames? so i'm a city boy. i like black and white pictures of colorful life. i miss you.
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[18 Jun 2009|10:51am] |
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I am not really enjoying myself. Hopefully everything will change when I get a bike. Also I decided to mail my computer back home since it's such a distraction and I could be doing so much useful, productive, creative shit but instead I'm watching movies and wasting time on the internet. Give me your address so I can send you a postcard when I feel good!!!! my address is 3325 frederiksen court, ames, ia 50010. i hope your summers are all completely absolutely the best ever.
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[09 Jun 2009|01:36am] |
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so here i am in ames, iowa. today was my first day of work. i woke up at 6:15 iowa time, 4:15 PST, for no reason, played music, got oriented, met everyone, met my professor, listened to him talk, ate very veg-unfriendly and life-unfriendly iowa dining hall food, figured out some places i want to go this week in ames, geeked out with my "colleagues", walked around, realized that i had smelled at least ten smells already today that were completely new to me and wholly unidentifiable, met with my professor again, went to the library and walked around, got some DVDs from the library, found the iowa state university national swine research center, saw that they have "meat lab sales" wednesdays and saturdays from 11am to 1pm and accept walk-ins and preorders, locked myself out of my room, went and played in a magic: the gathering tournament for the first time in six years and won, smelled some more elusive odors and decided they all feel like gross food, talked to my parents, called the authorities to let me in to my room, found my key, and realized that i've only been here two days and it feels like a week and i'm going to be here for eight full fucking weeks which is twenty-eight times longer than i have already been here. i can't imagine getting used to ames. in california differences among people are celebrated. here they are not. nobody is really interesting in the way californians are. when i try to crack a joke people don't even know that i'm trying to be funny. and i'm going to be living with them for eight weeks. i hope i don't get used to everyone here in the same way that i normally adapt to places. whatever. fuck everyone, or don't. i wore my great job visor today.
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| an update because now i want to write |
[09 Apr 2009|01:59am] |
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music |
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again we drone |
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I take solace in knowing that I can always write for free, since the paper is an ocean. I don’t think I am in love right now, but today I played music all day long. I skipped one and a half classes and it felt right. I am not sure if I will feel the same way when I wake up. I have programs to write and things to think about, but exploration is not about thinking. If one had tried to explain this to me before college, I would not have understood at all. I recently came up with an idea that people stop changing because they stay in one spot. In the same area with the same people and the same feeling.
I was so happy with playing music today, and how it sounded. I had the best jam session I have ever had by myself and made some sounds and got an idea for a psychedelic guitar riff and played it up there for at least thirty minutes while I endured school and walked home but I don’t understand how to make the guitar sound to make it feel like the 60s. I don’t see myself ever really needing more guitar pedals except maybe a phaser. But I don’t think I need one for a while. This weekend I got a synth wah pedal and a fucking sick tremolo pedal and those will set me for a while. There is just so much rad music shit out there to trade money for. I don’t need them but they are fun to use. Sean and I jammed on guitars and drums today…that is, one jam of us on guitars and Laura on drums, one jam of Sean on guitar and me on drums, one jam of Sean on drums and me on guitar. Playing actual guitar into guitar pedals is fucking sick. We decided to live together again today and I’m pretty stoked. We’re going to aim for a Cloyne double with two rooms, put both beds in the same room, and turn the back room into a music room. I’m fucking stoked. And speaking of stoked, my dad is getting me a bike as an early birthday gift, and I’m going to take it to Iowa with me this summer to explore. Laura showed me a band today that’s going to play in Ames while I’m there. It’s really good pop music: www.myspace.com/frenchquartermusic. Campfire show in SC this Friday with good friends and possibly next Tuesday in Oakland with stag hare with new friends.
Also, yesterday I talked with ryan swanson for a long time about travel. He’s gotten to do a lot. He went to Argentina and Mexico for a really long time and he’s going to China for a year next year. I really want to go to finland. On Sunday I spent at least two hours using the internet to seriously consider moving there for a while. I may travel there but I do not think I will live there unless my mind changes some more, which it will tomorrow, so maybe I will live there tomorrow. I know that you all are well and don’t finish
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[15 Feb 2009|06:28pm] |
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music |
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Akron/Family - How Do I Know? |
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Make me a mix CD. Make yourself a mix. Make your mom a mix. Make your dog or your cat a mix. Make your imaginary friend from when you were little a mix. Make your favorite stuffed animal a mix. Make your favorite drug(s) a mix. Make your favorite place a mix. Make a place you've never been a mix. Make a place you think is okay a mix. Make a place you don't think about a mix. Make your favorite band a mix. Make your dream girl/boy a mix. Make a mix for your favorite fruit. Make a mix for a phrase that you just read or just popped into your brain. Make a mix for how you feel right now at this moment. Or better yet, make a song right now for any of these things or anything else you can think of. And post them here so I can see them or listen to them!
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[19 Nov 2008|12:00am] |
hello everyone,
today i went to a guided meditation to discover my spirit animal. it was buried inside a two-hour lecture, which was very interesting and smelled really nice. the shaman at the head told a story of her friend protecting a coyote from park rangers. when she explained how she was going to lead us through the meditation, i instantly saw a red coyote. i could not tell if it was a fox or a coyote.
when we were led through the meditation, i knew i was predisposed to seeing a coyote, so i tried to be open to many animals. after finally crawling out of my cave in the earth, i looked around and saw no animal. then the coyote appeared instantly. it was pretty small. it was the same coyote i had seen. i asked if it was a fox or a coyote, and it told me it was a red coyote. i spoke with it for a while, saying that i wasn't sure if it was my spirit animal because of the story told soon before that put coyotes on my mind. it asked me if i needed anything to convince me, but i couldn't think of anything. it was patient and understanding. i felt comfortable around it, but i was still not convinced that my spirit animal was really a red coyote. however, i felt that i would become more comfortable with the coyote as time passed. just as i disappeared into the cave, i saw that the coyote had two or three tails.
i later found a picture of my spirit animal on the internet. it was a fox. vulpis vulpis. it had tricked me, but i am not sure what that means. i will try to go back to find my spirit animal soon, be it a fox or otherwise. sean's spirit animal is a panda, which i think fits very well. he has a beautiful, vivid story about his meditation.
i also have silly news. on saturday my 148-resident housing co-op is using the central office's money to hold a weed smoking competition. i would say that nothing more needs to be said, but it just so happens that this is not the case. the competition will be held in teams of two, which, as suggested by joey, should absolutely wear matching outfits. the contest will be based around a six-foot glass bong. one team member will light the bowl, which contains as much weed as the competitors are willing to take on, while the other milks the bong like a motherfucking holstein. the second competitor then clears the bong and passes out instantaneously and is carried to their room by the rodeo clowns. everything cooked in the kitchen that day will have weed in it. in other words, "college"
love,
mose
p.s. we are still trying to set up a pacific tour; does anyone know of places we can play in LA, SC, and/or SF?
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| everything is different |
[17 Nov 2008|01:29am] |
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music |
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now it is all over like the birds |
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all is well. i decided to spend my money on a sampler and delay pedal. my friend sean and i are a band with two songs and lots of tape recordings of jam sessions. the songs are unrecorded and the best jams are yet undigitized, but they will be here eventually: www.myspace.com/campfirethemusic . we are trying to put together a pacific tour for this winter! we want to begin in san diego and end as far north as possible so if you can put us up or find us a place to play we would be so grateful!!!
and i took acid a few weeks ago with sean and our friend and occasional bandmate sebastian. we had an amazing time and saw 1290837 dogs and drew pictures. i've been stoked about drawing pictures since then.
since moving to berkeley, i have changed a lot of habits and old patterns of thinking and i'm very happy here. i do math when i feel like it. i love cloyne and co-op life. i'm still really bad at girls, though.
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[11 Oct 2008|02:01am] |
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amazing |
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the past two weeks have been probably the most amazing two weeks of my entire life, maybe even each day individually. today was definitely one of the most amazing days i have experienced. it's very, VERY rare that i am completely speechless, and tonight i was. the first part of the day was incredibly stressful and we were just rushing and crazy and then blackblack showed up and everything became so amazing. we played a show in the forest in berkeley and so many people were there and ate our cookies and it was so great. then blackblack played and everything was pure love. they are all so wonderful. we found a great show spot and got an awesome tape recording of the whole show. i don't have any idea how shingle shack and the elephant memories sounded but i will tomorrow when i hear the recording. and so many people stayed to help break down the show afterwards and everyone was just super down. then we went to san francisco state to see them again and i ended up seeing so so so so many people i knew! it was magic! and then cody and sean and sebastian and myself had a really cool very short jam session on like, a bass drum, a microphone, a little tom, and the rim of something, or something, which was really great and frederick of blackblack said he thought it sounded like hey light. we gave him a ride to his girlfriend's house in oakland and talked about how animal collective is the favorite band of all of sean, him, and me, and we had the favorite shows conversation, which i've had like five times this week. everyone was wonderful today and i had a brilliant day and maggie was absolutely the hero of the whole day. stephen was also a hero.
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[01 Oct 2008|11:59pm] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
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I live in Berkeley now. It's a very intense place. I like it because a lot happens here. I am always doing something; I earn my weekends. I do math all the time. Also, I just got an ipod. My first ever. It's fucking awesome. I saw My Bloody Valentine last night. It might have been the greatest experience of my entire life to date. I think I ejaculated in my pants at one point. Or two. The excellent is that I'm not making that up. And that whole night really happened. It seemed like a dream even as it was happening in front of my body. As some of you may know, I am super into "noise babes," as miguel calls them, and I have found some, the permanent queen of which is Bilinda Butcher:
and lately there have been so much noise and some noise babes too, and life is so great.
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[17 Sep 2008|12:54am] |
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music |
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because of ghosts |
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I got a $100 amazon gift certificate for my birthday a month or two ago. Should I pay another $200 for an ipod with a case? Should I? My main concern is losing it. Maybe I'll just sew it into my pants.
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[05 Aug 2008|02:19am] |
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it's so hot here, even at 2:20am. can we please leave south california, PLEASE. if we turn the state on its head it will make more sense. at least i have been watching upwards of ten movies every week.
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[31 Jul 2008|05:15pm] |
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today is my last day as a teenager. tomorrow i turn 20. i still feel like a kid. i always have. i don't know if it will ever go away. but then i remember, who says it has to? I have inevitably grown out of a lot of my childish habits, but there is nothing wrong with having fun like a little kid does. So I'll set out not to lose it. Today I'm going to strap fireworks to army men.
"make the world your girlfriend"
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