|
[29 Jun 2009|01:03am] |
|
I must admit, I do not find Iowa's landscape to be beautiful. I find the dark forest to be my brightest place and the inescapable sun of iowa brings more darkness. i am not miserable here. my friend lent me his bike and riding it is super sick. also i have friends and they are super sick. also i am now one of the 100 highest rated magic the gathering players in los angeles county. i am shipping my computer home as soon as my new cell phone arrives so i can start living in iowa. leave me your phone numbers! mine will stay the same.
|
|
|
[27 Jun 2009|10:08pm] |
|
i am a people person, i am a people person! i love you so much more than i can love you year-round. love of myself and love of everyone else are separated in this terrible life. i can love myself more easily when i can love other people with my real hands, in the world; what good is a hug lover in ames? so i'm a city boy. i like black and white pictures of colorful life. i miss you.
|
|
|
[18 Jun 2009|10:51am] |
|
I am not really enjoying myself. Hopefully everything will change when I get a bike. Also I decided to mail my computer back home since it's such a distraction and I could be doing so much useful, productive, creative shit but instead I'm watching movies and wasting time on the internet. Give me your address so I can send you a postcard when I feel good!!!! my address is 3325 frederiksen court, ames, ia 50010. i hope your summers are all completely absolutely the best ever.
|
|
|
[09 Jun 2009|01:36am] |
|
so here i am in ames, iowa. today was my first day of work. i woke up at 6:15 iowa time, 4:15 PST, for no reason, played music, got oriented, met everyone, met my professor, listened to him talk, ate very veg-unfriendly and life-unfriendly iowa dining hall food, figured out some places i want to go this week in ames, geeked out with my "colleagues", walked around, realized that i had smelled at least ten smells already today that were completely new to me and wholly unidentifiable, met with my professor again, went to the library and walked around, got some DVDs from the library, found the iowa state university national swine research center, saw that they have "meat lab sales" wednesdays and saturdays from 11am to 1pm and accept walk-ins and preorders, locked myself out of my room, went and played in a magic: the gathering tournament for the first time in six years and won, smelled some more elusive odors and decided they all feel like gross food, talked to my parents, called the authorities to let me in to my room, found my key, and realized that i've only been here two days and it feels like a week and i'm going to be here for eight full fucking weeks which is twenty-eight times longer than i have already been here. i can't imagine getting used to ames. in california differences among people are celebrated. here they are not. nobody is really interesting in the way californians are. when i try to crack a joke people don't even know that i'm trying to be funny. and i'm going to be living with them for eight weeks. i hope i don't get used to everyone here in the same way that i normally adapt to places. whatever. fuck everyone, or don't. i wore my great job visor today.
|
|
| an update because now i want to write |
[09 Apr 2009|01:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
again we drone |
] |
I take solace in knowing that I can always write for free, since the paper is an ocean. I don’t think I am in love right now, but today I played music all day long. I skipped one and a half classes and it felt right. I am not sure if I will feel the same way when I wake up. I have programs to write and things to think about, but exploration is not about thinking. If one had tried to explain this to me before college, I would not have understood at all. I recently came up with an idea that people stop changing because they stay in one spot. In the same area with the same people and the same feeling.
I was so happy with playing music today, and how it sounded. I had the best jam session I have ever had by myself and made some sounds and got an idea for a psychedelic guitar riff and played it up there for at least thirty minutes while I endured school and walked home but I don’t understand how to make the guitar sound to make it feel like the 60s. I don’t see myself ever really needing more guitar pedals except maybe a phaser. But I don’t think I need one for a while. This weekend I got a synth wah pedal and a fucking sick tremolo pedal and those will set me for a while. There is just so much rad music shit out there to trade money for. I don’t need them but they are fun to use. Sean and I jammed on guitars and drums today…that is, one jam of us on guitars and Laura on drums, one jam of Sean on guitar and me on drums, one jam of Sean on drums and me on guitar. Playing actual guitar into guitar pedals is fucking sick. We decided to live together again today and I’m pretty stoked. We’re going to aim for a Cloyne double with two rooms, put both beds in the same room, and turn the back room into a music room. I’m fucking stoked. And speaking of stoked, my dad is getting me a bike as an early birthday gift, and I’m going to take it to Iowa with me this summer to explore. Laura showed me a band today that’s going to play in Ames while I’m there. It’s really good pop music: www.myspace.com/frenchquartermusic. Campfire show in SC this Friday with good friends and possibly next Tuesday in Oakland with stag hare with new friends.
Also, yesterday I talked with ryan swanson for a long time about travel. He’s gotten to do a lot. He went to Argentina and Mexico for a really long time and he’s going to China for a year next year. I really want to go to finland. On Sunday I spent at least two hours using the internet to seriously consider moving there for a while. I may travel there but I do not think I will live there unless my mind changes some more, which it will tomorrow, so maybe I will live there tomorrow. I know that you all are well and don’t finish
|
|
|
[15 Feb 2009|06:28pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Akron/Family - How Do I Know? |
] |
Make me a mix CD. Make yourself a mix. Make your mom a mix. Make your dog or your cat a mix. Make your imaginary friend from when you were little a mix. Make your favorite stuffed animal a mix. Make your favorite drug(s) a mix. Make your favorite place a mix. Make a place you've never been a mix. Make a place you think is okay a mix. Make a place you don't think about a mix. Make your favorite band a mix. Make your dream girl/boy a mix. Make a mix for your favorite fruit. Make a mix for a phrase that you just read or just popped into your brain. Make a mix for how you feel right now at this moment. Or better yet, make a song right now for any of these things or anything else you can think of. And post them here so I can see them or listen to them!
|
|
|
[19 Nov 2008|12:00am] |
hello everyone,
today i went to a guided meditation to discover my spirit animal. it was buried inside a two-hour lecture, which was very interesting and smelled really nice. the shaman at the head told a story of her friend protecting a coyote from park rangers. when she explained how she was going to lead us through the meditation, i instantly saw a red coyote. i could not tell if it was a fox or a coyote.
when we were led through the meditation, i knew i was predisposed to seeing a coyote, so i tried to be open to many animals. after finally crawling out of my cave in the earth, i looked around and saw no animal. then the coyote appeared instantly. it was pretty small. it was the same coyote i had seen. i asked if it was a fox or a coyote, and it told me it was a red coyote. i spoke with it for a while, saying that i wasn't sure if it was my spirit animal because of the story told soon before that put coyotes on my mind. it asked me if i needed anything to convince me, but i couldn't think of anything. it was patient and understanding. i felt comfortable around it, but i was still not convinced that my spirit animal was really a red coyote. however, i felt that i would become more comfortable with the coyote as time passed. just as i disappeared into the cave, i saw that the coyote had two or three tails.
i later found a picture of my spirit animal on the internet. it was a fox. vulpis vulpis. it had tricked me, but i am not sure what that means. i will try to go back to find my spirit animal soon, be it a fox or otherwise. sean's spirit animal is a panda, which i think fits very well. he has a beautiful, vivid story about his meditation.
i also have silly news. on saturday my 148-resident housing co-op is using the central office's money to hold a weed smoking competition. i would say that nothing more needs to be said, but it just so happens that this is not the case. the competition will be held in teams of two, which, as suggested by joey, should absolutely wear matching outfits. the contest will be based around a six-foot glass bong. one team member will light the bowl, which contains as much weed as the competitors are willing to take on, while the other milks the bong like a motherfucking holstein. the second competitor then clears the bong and passes out instantaneously and is carried to their room by the rodeo clowns. everything cooked in the kitchen that day will have weed in it. in other words, "college"
love,
mose
p.s. we are still trying to set up a pacific tour; does anyone know of places we can play in LA, SC, and/or SF?
|
|
| everything is different |
[17 Nov 2008|01:29am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
now it is all over like the birds |
] |
all is well. i decided to spend my money on a sampler and delay pedal. my friend sean and i are a band with two songs and lots of tape recordings of jam sessions. the songs are unrecorded and the best jams are yet undigitized, but they will be here eventually: www.myspace.com/campfirethemusic . we are trying to put together a pacific tour for this winter! we want to begin in san diego and end as far north as possible so if you can put us up or find us a place to play we would be so grateful!!!
and i took acid a few weeks ago with sean and our friend and occasional bandmate sebastian. we had an amazing time and saw 1290837 dogs and drew pictures. i've been stoked about drawing pictures since then.
since moving to berkeley, i have changed a lot of habits and old patterns of thinking and i'm very happy here. i do math when i feel like it. i love cloyne and co-op life. i'm still really bad at girls, though.
|
|
|
[11 Oct 2008|02:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amazing |
] |
the past two weeks have been probably the most amazing two weeks of my entire life, maybe even each day individually. today was definitely one of the most amazing days i have experienced. it's very, VERY rare that i am completely speechless, and tonight i was. the first part of the day was incredibly stressful and we were just rushing and crazy and then blackblack showed up and everything became so amazing. we played a show in the forest in berkeley and so many people were there and ate our cookies and it was so great. then blackblack played and everything was pure love. they are all so wonderful. we found a great show spot and got an awesome tape recording of the whole show. i don't have any idea how shingle shack and the elephant memories sounded but i will tomorrow when i hear the recording. and so many people stayed to help break down the show afterwards and everyone was just super down. then we went to san francisco state to see them again and i ended up seeing so so so so many people i knew! it was magic! and then cody and sean and sebastian and myself had a really cool very short jam session on like, a bass drum, a microphone, a little tom, and the rim of something, or something, which was really great and frederick of blackblack said he thought it sounded like hey light. we gave him a ride to his girlfriend's house in oakland and talked about how animal collective is the favorite band of all of sean, him, and me, and we had the favorite shows conversation, which i've had like five times this week. everyone was wonderful today and i had a brilliant day and maggie was absolutely the hero of the whole day. stephen was also a hero.
|
|
|
[01 Oct 2008|11:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
optimistic |
] |
I live in Berkeley now. It's a very intense place. I like it because a lot happens here. I am always doing something; I earn my weekends. I do math all the time. Also, I just got an ipod. My first ever. It's fucking awesome. I saw My Bloody Valentine last night. It might have been the greatest experience of my entire life to date. I think I ejaculated in my pants at one point. Or two. The excellent is that I'm not making that up. And that whole night really happened. It seemed like a dream even as it was happening in front of my body. As some of you may know, I am super into "noise babes," as miguel calls them, and I have found some, the permanent queen of which is Bilinda Butcher:
and lately there have been so much noise and some noise babes too, and life is so great.
|
|
|
[17 Sep 2008|12:54am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
because of ghosts |
] |
I got a $100 amazon gift certificate for my birthday a month or two ago. Should I pay another $200 for an ipod with a case? Should I? My main concern is losing it. Maybe I'll just sew it into my pants.
|
|
|
[05 Aug 2008|02:19am] |
|
it's so hot here, even at 2:20am. can we please leave south california, PLEASE. if we turn the state on its head it will make more sense. at least i have been watching upwards of ten movies every week.
|
|
|
[31 Jul 2008|05:15pm] |
|
today is my last day as a teenager. tomorrow i turn 20. i still feel like a kid. i always have. i don't know if it will ever go away. but then i remember, who says it has to? I have inevitably grown out of a lot of my childish habits, but there is nothing wrong with having fun like a little kid does. So I'll set out not to lose it. Today I'm going to strap fireworks to army men.
"make the world your girlfriend"
|
|
| My biggest regrets (living entry) |
[30 Jul 2008|05:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tense |
] |
Regret: Not taking AP Literature
Reason/Presumption: I think it's cool to be able to decipher representations such as those found in books, and my capacity to make those connections is underdeveloped as a result of not taking this class. I understand how the literary-minded think, connections bridging between one object and another, one word and another, one abstract feeling and another.
Resolution: Come on, you were in AP English and you decided that you didn't want to do it. It doesn't matter what would have happened had you stayed on, because you felt strongly enough at that moment to get out of there. And you have never been afraid of challenges. You must have been definitively overwhelmed. This is a non-issue. Next.
Regret: Not telling my parents enough that I love them
Resolution: This is my greatest regret. I never got in the habit of saying "I love you" to my family, so I find it difficult to start now. I have no idea how silly or pathetic that sounds because I haven't ever known any alternative. I do love my family. The key to this resolution is that they know it. Even though they would like to hear me say it every now and again and they think it would be nice if I did, they already know I love them. So don't beat yourself up over it.
Regret: Wasting time playing games and smoking weed
Resolution: There is nothing you can do about past time wasted. However, even with that, you made a conscious decision based on what you wanted to do. It may have led to regret later, but the outcome of the choice was what was supposed to happen, in every sense of the phrase. You were happy then. In life, one can pursue their own happiness or they can help others in their own pursuit. The key is balance. Some people never find it. You're doing very well.
Regret: Regretting things
Resolution: Shut the fuck up
Steal me from L.A. please, I want to go back to northern California.
|
|
|
[18 Jul 2008|09:17pm] |
|
animal collective is the best god ever man. the best.
|
|
| UCSC |
[03 May 2008|01:59am] |
|
Dear friends,
Some of you might know that I applied to transfer to UC Berkeley for the upcoming school year. It is with mixed feelings that I relay the news that I was accepted. Rather, it is with bittersweet saliva that I relay the news that I will be accepting their offer of admission. I can’t leave Santa Cruz without fully explaining everything firing and sparking in the dome.
I don’t want this letter to sound like I’m being pompous in any way, like I feel I’m so important that I have to write a letter to everyone. I (would like to) think at least some of you want to know why I’m peacing, and I feel that it would be unfair of me not to fully explain myself.
There are a few prominent reasons I have decided to leave all the green, comfortable beauty of Santa Cruz for the gray streets of Berkeley. First and most trivially is the number of classes at UC Berkeley. Shit, they have 3,000 classes to choose from. I can learn anything I want to learn.
Secondly, Berkeley’s math department is second, in our country, only to Princeton. I am a math major, and I intend to go to grad school, do postdoctoral study, and eventually become a math professor. Of course, I could still do all of this if I were to stay at UCSC, but what draws me to Berkeley is that, with a B.A. from there, I will presumably have more freedom of choice in graduate school and therefore more choice in where I may get a professorship. I don’t want to teach at a prestigious university. I just want to have an adequate amount of choice in where I will get to teach later. A greater freedom in choice of job is worth (slightly) more in the long run than an extra two years at UCSC, and there are very, very few things that I would choose over spending the next two years here with you.
A third reason I am leaving for UC Berkeley is because I feel that I am growing too comfortable here. I want to test the waters outside our pillow weed city, the world of spikes and businessmen. I never want to stop challenging myself. Going to Berkeley itself, that is, the city and not the university, will be a challenge in itself, perhaps greater than the challenge of shifting from UCSC to Cal. Many of you have been to Berkeley. I don’t need to tell you how different it is from Santa Cruz. I want to make sure that I can still work a place in an urban society, not so I will later in life, necessarily. Just so I can. I worry that Santa Cruz is far too unique for me to be able to apply the lessons I have learned here in whatever town I may reside.
At this point in my life, Santa Cruz is the best place I can imagine living. The vibe in Santa Cruz encourages one to live out their instinct and innermost identity as fully as possible. No matter how crazy that instinct may seem. Everyone else is just as weird. This power of Santa Cruz is awesome enough considering the effect it has had on my own personal identity (and how I can “express” it, for lack of a better word), but this infinitely comfortable pervading vibe leads to tons of truly unique, irreplaceable people, blasting their own identity however loudly they fucking feel like. I love so many things about the people in general here, let alone those that I call my friends. By far the strongest weight pulling to keep me in SC is the friends I love that I won’t get to see every day.
So what I most want to stress with this open letter is that it is not a goodbye or a parting of paths. You’d better believe I’m going to come down here every fucking time I have a free weekend. I can’t imagine that I would miss you any less than that. There are volumes I could fill with my admiration for each of you. I’m in the process of trying. Seriously, I am.
I have no idea how things are going to work out in Berkeley, but I am absolutely certain that the relationships I will have with people there will be far, far different from those I have here. These past two years have easily been the best years of my life thanks to all of you (and, to a much lesser extent, the forest). It’s cliché, but I will not ever forget you.
I really hope some of you end up staying together after graduating, that is, moving en masse to some rad place that I can live, too, because sharing lives with all of you breeds paradise. I’m gonna miss the fucking burritos, too. The burritos suck in Berkeley.
Love,
Mose
|
|
| FUN TIME |
[08 Mar 2008|01:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
be ba ooom |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
groovy |
] |
LIST YOUR FAVORITE ALBUMS, for today's fun time. and don't list a million, like, the first tier, yaddamean?
Devendra Banhart - Oh Me Oh My.../The Black Babies
The Microphones - The Glow, Pt. 2
Animal Collective - Here Comes the Indian
Hella - Hold Your Horse Is
Animal Collective - Sung Tongs
and feels. and strawberry jam. and hollindagain. omfg. sorry.
Deerhoof - Milk Man(something by deerhoof, probably this)
T.Rex - Electric Warrior
Lightning Bolt - Wonderful Rainbow
Tom Waits - Rain Dogs
Pink Floyd - Piper at the Gates of Dawn
Panda Bear - Person Pitch
Six Organs of Admittance - For Octavio Paz & the hazy sf cd-r
Terrestrial Tones - Dead Drunk
The Windswept Stars - Christopher Hunt's Album Computer
in no order whatsoever, but i am fairly certain that these are it. these are them. i have done it finally. there are two or three that i maybe would remove if i had to, but i dunno, maybe not.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
man_with_sticks's journal
confused
exhausted